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ONE TIME OFFER (just $XX): You. You are a gift to the world. A gift to everyone else. Every movement you make and every breath you take is a mere pleasure for the rest of humanity. But, all that fame is now an extreme hardship for you. How do you keep yourself separate from society so you can enjoy the complexity's of you? For simply $97, we'll send you the "Power Wash". A spray to keep all the lowly souls away from you. Effortlessly remove the cap and b'dazzle the crowds in front of you to create your own walking path while they bow...